January 15, 2015

Update and Stuff

I got the urge to write down all my swirling thoughts from the past few months, so here I am. Almost every time I post I end up hating myself for it after.... I like to think I'm a naturally open and vulnerable person, but nearly every time I am I suffer some serious talkers/writers remorse. Anyone else experience that? I go back and forth trying to determine if it's Satan or if it's God trying to tell me to shut my mouth and I still don't know what the answer is....so here goes nothin! I'll try not to make this terribly long, as I want to give an update on us & our crazy lives also, since people have been asking what we're doing. I haven't really wanted to say for awhile, because we ourselves were totally not sure what the heck was going on, and still a lot remains to be seen. I've left out a lot a few details but I'll start from the beginning and if you last through the update I'll wrap it up with my rambling thoughts.


Back in September we hit a point where we (mostly me) sort of panicked about our finances and where or what they've been since leaving the Bible College and moving here.  I don't know, something just snapped in my brain and I had this overwhelming resolve that it wasn't working out here, we had no choice but to move, we had tried and stepped out in faith and God was not providing. So A+B=C and that was it. I was done. Much of it had to do also with the fact I was homeschooling and our boys were literally hating their lives. I've written about that part before. It was tough. And my heart was breaking on the daily watching them struggle, facing my own fears, and praying to God we weren't doing irreversible damage on them. We cried a lot during this time, all of us. Cisco and I were really struggling with trying to be practical and responsible adults/parents while still believing God had brought us out here and for what? Things had gotten really sweet with the church, we had become the family we had been praying for since long before any of us had moved. We had fallen in love with Colorado and the people here. Why was God going to pluck us from it all just as things were getting awesome? Finances aside, it didn't make sense, but we were trying hard not think too much about that. For months, there wasn't a Sunday we would leave church without crying the whole way home and most of the rest of the day. We were so torn and so torn up.


We began to look into him transferring to California with Davey Tree. My mom had (COMPLETELY randomly) met the wife of the guy who hires for the NorCal Davey offices at a conference in Redding the weekend after I told her we were looking into transferring. It totally seemed like a God thing. So he and Cisco eventually spoke and it was good. They wanted to hire him, it seemed like this is what was going to happen.
Meanwhile, I was facing a lot of internal issues on why I've never really wanted to move home, the reasons for that and knowing all the things I was about to be forced to deal with. But I was willing. Even though it wasn't totally what Cisco or I wanted to do, we wanted to do it for our kids and for our family. So we started making the steps and that's where things got confusing. The more we stepped forward, the less peace we had. The more tears we shed. I kept trying to muscle my way past it, head to the wind, ignore the uneasiness. But in the end we couldn't. We did not want to keep stepping forward with so many things unclear and there were quite a few. So we decided to push back our timeframe and just wait until the new year and see.


Seeing as we weren't moving immediately, we put the boys in school. But we were still in this annoying stage of "we're moving, we don't know when, we don't know why" and anytime anyone would ask me what we were doing or if we knew what we were doing it would usually end in tears, even if hours later and once I was alone. It was nuts. I've never been more confused and annoyed with ourselves, EVER. Meanwhile, the Lord was totally providing, much through the blessed generosity of loved ones in our lives. It's been incredibly humbling and my pride hates it, even writing it, yet grateful for each of them beyond belief.
Around Thanksgiving we finally had a long talk about things. The boys were doing SO MUCH better now that they were in school, making friends, and well, we were all a bit happier. I know some will disagree with me on this, and that's fine, but this was totally the right decision for us. I had been thinking for weeks that our financial stuff wasn't going to just be "solved" by moving back to California. That maybe we needed to really TRY to stay. I knew that if we moved, at some point things would get hard. That's life. No matter how great some things may be, there's always something that's going to get hard, at some point. And I realized that considering how much we had going for us here, once things got hard in California, I would hate myself for not trying everything we could to stay and really see if things could work out. It was a recipe for regret and we both decided, not one we wanted to cook up. As much as Cisco didn't want to look for a new job (at that point), he decided he would. He was beginning to see things he wasn't liking with Davey and wasn't sure he wanted to keep working for them anyway. Then, literally the very next week, some stuff happened with his job giving him the confirmation and push he needed to really be done with that company (and also making us both breathe a HUGE sigh of relief that he hadn't transferred to CA with Davey and be stuck in that job for God knows how long).


The week before everything went down with his job, his brother was here visiting and they were messing around with roasting coffee and Cisco realized how much he missed doing that. I think we both just assumed it wasn't possible for him to really do that and make enough to live off of outside of the Conference Center, but it was something he enjoyed doing so much. To make a long story short, he's been sending his resume all over and tomorrow morning he has an interview at a large roasting company in North Denver. 11 am. Whoever is reading this, please pray!! We'll see what happens or if anything happens, but we're excited for the possibilities. We know we're in a season of change and that's always exciting but can also be somewhat terrifying. We know the Lord has a plan and we're definitely trusting in that. So, there's your update. :)

It's interesting because it really feels like this past year and a half has been one giant, constant test regarding our finances. And for a long time we couldn't even talk about it with anyone, save a select few. Mostly because of pride and shame. And also because I do think it's kind of a Christian taboo subject, for whatever reason. After leaving the Bible College we, or maybe just I, had this naive notion that everything was just going to fall into place and financially (cuz I really, truly thought we struggled financially at the BC.. HAHAHAHAH) our world was gonna rock. I've talked about this before. That whole "I'm stepping out in faith God, and You're going to BLESS me for it!!" entitlement thing. Anyone else relate here? Yeah, faced with that ugly part of myself over and over again this past year+. Yuck. Funny thing is, we're promised suffering as well as blessing and I've come to see that "blessing" usually doesn't come in the form of dolla' dolla' bills. Or a new car. Or a big, flat screen TV (Cisco). Or a sweet house with a gigantic gourmet kitchen and a Viking stove (me). It comes in a much deeper form of friendships and relationships that run so deep it makes you tear up thinking about them. It comes in the form of all those prayers that God will break your heart for the things that break His being answered. Or of living in a place that is so stinkin beautiful it is constantly making your jaw drop as you're humbled and in awe of the One who created it. Or even just simply coming to the realization that you really don't know a darn thing, like you once thought you did, and being ok with it.

For a long time I think I've been a little obsessed with being "financially secure". I think it was something I wanted more than a lot of other things.  It wasn't like I wanted to go on grand vacations or buy a bunch of expensive crap, I just wanted to pay the bills and get out of debt. Nothing grand. But it was an idol for sure, and it's been a slow and painful STRIPPING my greedy little fingers away from holding on to what I thought I needed & wanted. I've spent this past year really thinking we had it rough and praying the Lord would "take this cup from me". And you know what I've realized lately? How much we really have.. It's been a rough 6 months+ for our little church. Everyone's going through something, at some level or another, and some to a degree of hurt and pain that I don't even understand nor ever wish to. I realized the other day that I was actually THANKING God for mine and Cisco's "problems". Have you heard that quote that says something like, If you threw your problems in a pile along with everyone else's you'd probably pick back out your own? Yeah. I don't have problems. Not today. I have a husband who loves me. I have 4 beautiful and healthy kids. I have awesome friendships and a church family who loves each other like Christ says to. I have clothes on my back and food in my fridge and a roof over my head. Tomorrow all those things may be gone. We never know. But today, I thank God from the very bottom of my heart that my biggest worry in life right now is paying my rent on time. And I truly mean that.

Side note: If you relate to or struggle with anything I've just written, and if you've never read The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom, or if it's been years since you have, go read it. NOW. Like, right now.


June 18, 2014

One Year

Today marks the one year anniversary of our arrival into Denver.

It's been quite a year.

I've spent a good portion of this week reflecting on it all and thinking how strange it is that driving here seems like a lifetime ago, yet it also seems crazy we've been here a full year.  I know that's such a typical thing to say but it's totally the truth! I also wanted to give a little update from my last post cuz it's been, oh, 2 months...

Not a whole lot has changed really, since I last wrote, save my mindset. Although, the situation, once we looked a little deeper, tweaked a few things, and it finally stopped snowing turned out to be not quite AS dire as it seemed at the time. It may have been one post written a little in haste, but it's what was going on in the moment so there ya go. ;) Cisco's hours have also picked up again, which does help a TON.

Regardless of the circumstances however, these past 2 months have been a long lesson of BEING STILL. Not one I'm very good at. Every time I would take the matter and our circumstances to prayer, that is what I got. BE STILL AND WAIT.

Although, when I really stop and consider it this has been a lesson I've had to learn many, many times over and I'm quite positive I will be sitting in its class many, many times more in the future.

It's not my favorite lesson...

But it is encouraging when you see progress in yourself and know that you fight it a little less each time.

We finished our first year (here) of homeschooling last week, which was nothing short of miraculous I must say! It was a rough year, but also good in many ways. We started over a month late (because of our housing situation at the time) and Josiah had a really rough time with math. The school talked a few times of holding him back if he didn't finish all his math lessons but he did!! We are so proud of how hard he worked and we all felt like we at least ended the school year on a good note.

At this point, it looks like I'll be homeschooling again next year. While I appreciate everyone's input on the matter, I'll also be honest. It's our only option right now. Which is why we did it this last year. We have one car and Cisco works crazy hours and over 20 minutes away from our house. So to take him to work every morning and pick him up isn't an option, for both financial and sanity reasons. However, I've come to the point where I know the Lord is in control, knows our needs, and this is our lot so I'm working with it to the best of my ability. The social part of our lives (more the kids than ours) has taken a large hit, but I'm hopeful that will change this next year. While I don't have all the answers on HOW or even WHAT right now, I'm ok and even excited for this next school year.

While at times I've definitely wondered what the heck we just did by moving here I've come to realize more and more the irony of the name of Pilgrim City Church and how this year has taught us, if nothing else, the reality of Hebrews 11. There is a large part of me that would love to put down roots and my heart has struggled (almost daily) with not being near any family whatsoever. I see my kids growing and grandparents that are missing that, aunt's, uncles, cousins that they may never be close to or know very well. And that hurts my heart. A LOT. But we also know, without a shadow of a doubt, that we knocked, even pleaded for those doors to open, for the Lord to direct in that way, and instead we got a clear NO. I don't understand that. But I don't have to and I've come to accept this. Whatever the Lord wants to do with our lives, wherever He wants us to go, I want to be willing to do that. And in the end, this world is not my home. The largest desire of my heart, to let Him do with our lives what He will, I pray, will always supersede everything else in there.

"Calmly we look behind us, on joys and sorrows past, 
We know that all is mercy now, and shall be well at last;
Calmly we look before us, - We fear no future ill,
Enough for safety and for peace, If Thou art with us still."
- Jane Borthwick

And, just for fun, here's some photos from the loooooooooong drive out here.

 Violet, looking thrilled & passing the time listening to Adele

 At a rest stop somewhere in Wyoming

Somewhere in Wyoming

And kind of random, but I never posted a picture of the place we call home. So here ya go! Isn't it the cutest?!

April 23, 2014

The Eye of the Storm

Fear not that the whirlwind will carry you hence,
Nor wait for its onslaught in breathless suspense,
Nor shrink from the blight of the terrible hail,
But pass through the edge to the heart of the tale,
For there is a shelter, sun lighted and warm,
And Faith sees her God through the eye of the storm.

The passionate tempest with rush and wild roar
And threatenings of evil may beat on the shore,
The waves may be mountains, the fields battle plains,
And the earth be immersed in a deluge of rains,
Yet, the soul, stayed on God, may sing bravely its psalm,
For the heart of the storm is the center of calm.

Let hope be not quenched in the blackness of night,
Though the cyclone awhile may have blotted the light, 
For behind the great darkness the stars ever shine,
And the light of God's heavens, His love will make thine,
Let no gloom dim your eyes, but uplift them on high
To the face of your God and the blue of His sky.

The storm is your shelter from danger and sin,
And God Himself takes you for safety within;
The tempest with Him passes into deep calm,
And the roar of the winds is the sound of a psalm. 
Be glad and serene when the tempest clouds form;
God smiles on His child in the eye of the storm.

I'm not sure who wrote this beautiful poem but it greeted me this morning when I opened Streams in the Desert. And it couldn't have been more timely. This week has definitely brought a deluge of rains and while I don't feel at total freedom to share in detail everything that is going on, I wanted to share the gist of it. Fact is, we need some serious prayer and for those that love us and have prayed for us thus far, PLEASE DON'T STOP

We have reached a crossroads in this journey. One where either a complete act of God or a change of course is going to occur. Which technically, both would be an act of God. It's been a painful couple of days, coming to this reality, and one I honestly wasn't really expecting at this point anyway. BUT, it's here and the direction and path we should take is completely hidden from us at this time. Please pray for direction. Or, better yet, a miracle! I'm looking forward to being on the other side of this, hopefully soon, and sharing with you what the Lord does. While it's hard to believe it now,  I do know deep down in my heart that whatever transpires will be good. Both Cisco and I have (separately) gotten the fiery furnace in Daniel and feel very much that is where we are at. The fire is raging hot and seems like it will incinerate us at any second. Yet, reminding ourselves Who is in the fire with us brings about a drastically different outcome to this whole thing. We knew when we moved out here that it was the Lord leading us here. We knew it wasn't "our" deal, but His. And it remains to be so. If He brings a fork in the road and leads another way, as much as I want to pull Him on the path I want to go on, I know better than to do so. It may not make sense, but He certainly never promised following Him would!

I just want to add, for anyone stepping out in faith, praying about stepping out in faith, or afraid to step out in faith - it is no joke. And I mean that in the best way possible.  But be prepared to have every pat Christian phrase you've been throwing out for years, be challenged as to it's true meaning or whether it's even Biblical in the first place. Cuz when the rubber meets the road, it's a whole different world. With that being said, walking in faith is also the most exciting, terrifying, and oddly, FREEING thing you could ever do. When we give Him the reigns, He doesn't mess around. But make sure to keep your eyes on the driver. The second you look at the roads He's taking you down, well let's just say they are not for the faint of heart. :)
"Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him." - Job 13:15


April 14, 2014

Prayer Request

Last night was a rough one. I was in my oldest son, Josiah's, room until after midnight & when I finally crawled under my covers I cried myself to sleep. I'm convinced no one and nothing can ever prepare a person for Motherhood. Or Fatherhood. To try to explain it is practically impossible, yet anyone who's ever been a parent will fully understand what I'm talking about. It's amazing. It's hard. It's frustrating. It's wonderful. It's pain. It's a blessing. It's crazy.  It's love. And you could feel all those things (and many others) all in the same day and sometimes in the same minute!

I think the most difficult part for me (so far) has been the weight of responsibility in making decisions for our kids. As well as the backlash and judgement from others, that can come when making said decisions. Quite honestly, the hardest decision of all has been every year when it comes to school. Had someone told me when Josiah was a baby that this would be the subject that would torture my brain for hours on end, result in hours of sometimes "heated" discussions with others, and take us to our knees year after year, I think I would've laughed in their face. Never in my life did I imagine this would be so hard! For Cisco and I, we both had similar school backgrounds, but reversed. ..I was in a private Christian school up til the 8th grade where I then attended public school for high school. He was in public school in elementary and then did the private Christian school for his later years, but we both agreed that Christian school was our #1 choice for our kids. Until I looked into it and realized that we would never, ever, ever be able to afford it. Especially when we kept having more kids. When & where I grew up, homeschooling was an odd choice & only the strange and socially impaired families chose to do that. It was never on my list of options. Or Cisco's really. To cut to the chase, I realized over time that it wasn't "weird", and once I let go of my preconceived ideas I'd had about it and actually tried it, I saw it definitely wasn't as horrible as I once thought. But I also didn't LOVE it. Like some people I know, they LOVE it. And that's awesome! I wish I did.

 There are for sure things I love about it, but it's also stinkin the hardest thing I've ever done in my life! But I'd totally pull up my bootstraps and do it for eternity if that's what I "knew" the Lord was telling us to do, but it's not. For us, once we realized that Christian school wasn't an option, we believe the Lord was telling us to take it year by year. To pray and seek what He wanted us to do with each kid, each year. And that's what we've done. Some years it's been public school, some years it's been homeschool. Each year has been hard, and each year I've been faced with the fact a decision has to be made. And if you know us at all, we aren't always the best at being super decisive.

Which brings me back to last night. Josiah's had a rough year. Besides their one friend they know from church, they haven't met other kids their age(s). He's super lonely and adjusting from being surrounded by friends and living at an awesome place, to well, normal life and having your one friend living nearly a half an hour away. For a 10 year old kid, that is rough. And it KILLS me. My heart hurts so bad for him, knowing this move has been hard for him and not knowing when it will get better. As a parent, I want to make it better and I can't. I honestly don't know yet what we are supposed to do in regards to school next year. Right now, the only option seems to be homeschool but I just don't know. I'm a mess of emotions when it comes down to this, especially after last night, and really, I'm just begging for your prayers. I apologize if that's selfish. But for those that have read this far and love my kids, please pray for them. And pray for Cisco and I, that we would know what to do  and trust that God sees our needs and has a plan.


March 26, 2014

I Have Decided

Exactly one year ago today, Violet and I hopped on a plane to meet up with Cisco and the rest of the group that was praying about moving out here to Denver. I actually did not make that connection until I sat down here to write, but once realized it made all of this even more fitting.

This past month has been hard for me. I hate admitting that. Not because I prefer to be fake but because the root of the difficulty has been my own ugly heart and who likes admitting that?

I'm not sure why I'm writing all of this and exposing the nasty parts of my heart to the world wide web... I guess I know Facebook and Instagram lend a certain air-brushing to our lives and I don't want ours to be all about looking airbrushed. While I definitely aim to focus on the positive and don't feel the need to include everyone in on my bad days, I just want to express that I have them too. We all do. And it helps no one to try and  pretend that we don't.

It all started (ish) when doctors found a large mass in my 12 year old nephew's chest and they were "convinced" we were looking at lymphoma. Talk about earth shattering. Praise Jesus it turned out not to be that (we're still waiting on a diagnosis, but we know it's not cancer. YAY!) but in those few weeks of the unknown, I was slapped in the face with a serious case of homesickness. My family may be loaded with lots of drama but we all love each other to the moon and back and the last place I wanted to be was 1,300 miles away. With no way to get to them. I struggled with this BIG TIME, as even though we've always lived somewhat far away, any time there has been a real crisis in my family I was able to get in the car and at least drive to them. Not the case anymore...

Which led me to question God's leading us out here (Was it Him? Was it us?) and to tuck away, in the back of my mind, a little question mark. You see, I'm a runner. No, not literally, but mentally. To run back and question His leading, and also to run from facing the root of what is really going on in my heart. I'm also very guilty of having the tendency to work things out on my own when I either don't see God working or when I think what He's doing is all "wrong". Neither of these are done (for the most part) consciously per se, but a struggle in seeing my circumstances and wanting to change them. Always. And boy have I made quite a few messes by being this way. Some really big messes.

Things have not been easy since moving here. There have been some really great things, for sure, but when we made the conscious decision to follow Jesus out here I imagined our obedience to be rewarded in a much different manner. Yep, I just said it. "Entitlement." I know I'm not alone here, in feeling this way sometimes, but wow have I been so grossed out by it in my heart lately! I love to own those super sweet promises in the Word about blessings and victory and promised land. But again, those are usually much more different in my mind than what they actually turn out to be or when they come to be. Not that they're less than what I thought, but different. His ways are not our ways, duh. I like to forget the promises of difficulty, hardship, suffering, etc., but those are just as much promises as the others. And I noticed recently, that this "entitlement" often causes the suffering and hardships to grossly overshadow the many blessings and victories. And there have been, SO many blessings and victories. The Lord has been so faithful and gracious, drawing my eyes back to Him, where they need to be and stay. All last week He was speaking this to me. At church on Sunday, this was the message. Today, as I swept my floor for the 10th time I kept singing
 
I have decided, to follow Jesus
I have decided, to follow Jesus
I have decided, to follow Jesus
No turning back, No turning back
 
The cross before me, the world behind me
The cross before me, the world behind me
The cross before me, the world behind me
No turning back, no turning back
 
 He is so good. Isn't it crazy when a song you've been singing since you were like, 5, suddenly takes on a whole new meaning? I've always thought of that song in terms of salvation, which it totally is. But today it hit me in a whole new way. I followed Jesus out here. My heart of questioning that and leaving the question mark in my head is flat out WRONG. I've never wanted to be only partly here. Or partially following Him. I have decided, to follow Jesus! No turning back. No turning back. The "honeymoon" phase of being here has long passed (I do not mean this in a bad way), as it always does, and I look back on that week last March, where everything was so exciting and new and hopeful, with fondness. I know this road has not been easy. I know it will probably only get more difficult at times. But I TRUST the Lord and I believe He brought us out here, for reasons I may not know yet. And THAT'S exciting stuff.

January 3, 2014

Happy New Year!

To start off, obviously it's been awhile... I have written and erased probably about 10 different posts since we moved, none of them seemed "right" and I was having a difficult time with... well myself, quite honestly. When we moved I had this vision in my head of what I would be blogging and how my life would be. What can I say, I am a romantic at heart, and no matter how "prepared" we might think we are for life's curveballs, most generally we are not. Nor can be, really! So when things weren't panning out quite the way we'd hoped, I found myself faced with the dilemma of wanting to write a post filled with positive, awesome things instead of our reality and knowing I couldn't and wouldn't do that. Not that there weren't MANY positive and awesome things to write about because there most certainly were! Then about 2 months ago I uploaded all the pictures off my phone to post pictures of the house we're in and some I'd saved for the blog and my phone got wiped clean and our fairly new MacBook just stopped working. All in one day.  But literally, every time I sat down to write it was like a wall shot up and I just couldn't seem to find any words. So I let it go, deciding to stick to shorter Facebook posts as updates, praying over our MacBook to come back from the dead (it kind of has...it had 36 hours of revival and now just really doesn't like the internet), and gave up on it for awhile. But I'd love to give longer updates for those I know who love us and are praying for us, so a new year calls for another shot at this, right? I think so. :)

I will back up a little here. The story I had wanted to tell was more along the lines of, we moved, found a house within the first week of arrival, Cisco loved his job and the people he worked with, we were financially doing awesome, Pilgrim City Church was exploding in numbers, and we had made some amazing friends. Two of those things came true (the very first and the very last). Now, I'm not completely silly, I know we make our plans and God has His, and more often than not He loves to rearrange our plans. So while some of these things were a little startling (and scary) we didn't despair (most of the time), prayed (a LOT), and He saw us through and continues to.
It took us 3 months, almost to the day, to move into our own place. Cisco's first couple months at his new job were completely stressful and the foreman of the crew he mainly worked with was downright harassing him. Like, he was just MEAN and completely unpredictable, exploding at Cisco for important things like, how he was holding a rake or picking up branches. I've never seen my husband more beat down but he handled it like the patient champ he is and held his tongue on numerous occasions. By mid September he was placed on another crew with a different foreman and things became drastically better for him, Praise the Lord!

During it all, we kept getting this verse:

  " Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary."
Isaiah 40:31
 
A verse we know well, but the word wait took on a whole new importance this time. A lesson we haven't been exactly unfamiliar with but maybe never to the degree or way we've had to learn it here. Yet, through all this and many other things not mentioned on here, we are so thankful the Lord brought us to Denver. We can truly say we LOVE it here and He has given us such a heart for this city and the needs we've seen thus far. He's blessed us with incredible friendships in our church family that quite honestly is even more than we hoped to pray for. While the church hasn't exactly exploded in numbers (that's what church planting is all about, right? ;)....) the Lord is definitely doing a sweet work in all of us and building a strong foundation. It's messy. We all have had our moments of tears, of joy and many other emotions. There's a lot of kids and I mean a lot. So it's noisy and chaotic most of the time. But it's REAL. I think we've all had to learn, to one degree or another, to put down the fa├žade we've been hiding under and just truly be real and honest and raw. It's been downright awesome.
Also, I kid when I talk about the church exploding. :) I think one always has that hope but we really didn't have a whole lot of expectations as far as the church went. Even the small expectations or thoughts on pretty much anything we did have, have all been drastically changed since being here. In a good way. A really good way. I praise God we didn't have some big agenda or ideals for church planting. We all would've been in for a giant wake up call and some enormous disappointment! It is a work that is done and completed by Him alone and where He decides to take it, we are in 100%. I can say for Cisco and I, it's been a great time of healing and revelation. 2013 was one wild ride, no doubt about that. But I am ecstatic for 2014. Happy New Year! 


May 30, 2013

May Update

I wanted to give a quick update on the move... Things are definitely moving along and we found out last week that Cisco is hired with Davey Tree Company in Denver!! Huge answer to prayer. We have officially started packing up and getting rid of stuff and it's definitely as overwhelming as I hoped it wouldn't be. Not to mention emotional. BUT, God is so faithful and is really speaking and ministering to us an incredible amount during this time. Currently we are fine combing Craigslist, Zillow, and every other rental website known to mankind, to find a place to live. It's been a little interesting and, at times, incredibly frustrating trying to do this from another state & on a low budget, but I know we're not alone in this and many have been successful. So in other words, not impossible (I keep having to remind myself of that one). A few fine details have yet to be figured out, but we are packing up and will be moving out of our house NEXT WEEKEND. I wrote that in all caps because I'm still trying to get it to sink in my own head! I really cannot believe it and it's all incredibly surreal. By this time next month we will be residing in Colorado and living life there. Ca-ra-zy!

Once we're moved out of our place we'll be heading up north to spend a week with my family and celebrate my niece Carly's graduation from high school! Then off to Denver and a whole new life. If there is one thing I can say about this whole process it is that when God moves, He MOVES. When I am able to take my eyes of the current circumstance and whatever faith building situation is right in front of us, and look back over the course of the past few months and even few years, I can see His hand so much in all of this. At times my faith has desperately wavered and I've wondered (way too many times) if He's going to come through, going to provide. And each time He has, at the 11th hour, and not only has done so, but in a way that only HE could do and that's completely blown my mind! It's been amazing. HE IS AMAZING. It's built up our confidence in this so much. I am finding as it comes down to the wire, and Satan is bombarding my mind with fears, that there is no possible way we could do this BUT for it being from Him. When you see Him blow open every door you're faced with and provide in ways you never knew you needed, that becomes so necessary during the times when everything seems impossible. I know it's needed now and will also be in the future when we're out there and things are difficult and we're faced with more faith building situations.

I want to thank you all so much for your prayers, they are so needed and appreciated! Please keep the housing situation in your prayers, that we will find something at the time we need it and for wisdom. It's amazing how many scams there are out there! This weekend we celebrate Elias turning 4 and will also be saying good-bye to many friends that have become like family. I will try to post another update before we leave, but I can't make any promises. ;) These days I'm either a bundle of emotions or running around like a chicken with my head cut off! Fun times! :)

 
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