The Eye of the Storm

Fear not that the whirlwind will carry you hence,
Nor wait for its onslaught in breathless suspense,
Nor shrink from the blight of the terrible hail,
But pass through the edge to the heart of the tale,
For there is a shelter, sun lighted and warm,
And Faith sees her God through the eye of the storm.

The passionate tempest with rush and wild roar
And threatenings of evil may beat on the shore,
The waves may be mountains, the fields battle plains,
And the earth be immersed in a deluge of rains,
Yet, the soul, stayed on God, may sing bravely its psalm,
For the heart of the storm is the center of calm.

Let hope be not quenched in the blackness of night,
Though the cyclone awhile may have blotted the light, 
For behind the great darkness the stars ever shine,
And the light of God's heavens, His love will make thine,
Let no gloom dim your eyes, but uplift them on high
To the face of your God and the blue of His sky.

The storm is your shelter from danger and sin,
And God Himself takes you for safety within;
The tempest with Him passes into deep calm,
And the roar of the winds is the sound of a psalm. 
Be glad and serene when the tempest clouds form;
God smiles on His child in the eye of the storm.

I'm not sure who wrote this beautiful poem but it greeted me this morning when I opened Streams in the Desert. And it couldn't have been more timely. This week has definitely brought a deluge of rains and while I don't feel at total freedom to share in detail everything that is going on, I wanted to share the gist of it. Fact is, we need some serious prayer and for those that love us and have prayed for us thus far, PLEASE DON'T STOP. 

We have reached a crossroads in this journey. One where either a complete act of God or a change of course is going to occur. Which technically, both would be an act of God. It's been a painful couple of days, coming to this reality, and one I honestly wasn't really expecting at this point anyway. BUT, it's here and the direction and path we should take is completely hidden from us at this time. Please pray for direction. Or, better yet, a miracle! I'm looking forward to being on the other side of this, hopefully soon, and sharing with you what the Lord does. While it's hard to believe it now,  I do know deep down in my heart that whatever transpires will be good. Both Cisco and I have (separately) gotten the fiery furnace in Daniel and feel very much that is where we are at. The fire is raging hot and seems like it will incinerate us at any second. Yet, reminding ourselves Who is in the fire with us brings about a drastically different outcome to this whole thing. We knew when we moved out here that it was the Lord leading us here. We knew it wasn't "our" deal, but His. And it remains to be so. If He brings a fork in the road and leads another way, as much as I want to pull Him on the path I want to go on, I know better than to do so. It may not make sense, but He certainly never promised following Him would!

I just want to add, for anyone stepping out in faith, praying about stepping out in faith, or afraid to step out in faith - it is no joke. And I mean that in the best way possible.  But be prepared to have every pat Christian phrase you've been throwing out for years, be challenged as to it's true meaning or whether it's even Biblical in the first place. Cuz when the rubber meets the road, it's a whole different world. With that being said, walking in faith is also the most exciting, terrifying, and oddly, FREEING thing you could ever do. When we give Him the reigns, He doesn't mess around. But make sure to keep your eyes on the driver. The second you look at the roads He's taking you down, well let's just say they are not for the faint of heart. :)
"Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him." - Job 13:15

Prayer Request

Last night was a rough one. I was in my oldest son, Josiah's, room until after midnight & when I finally crawled under my covers I cried myself to sleep. I'm convinced no one and nothing can ever prepare a person for Motherhood. Or Fatherhood. To try to explain it is practically impossible, yet anyone who's ever been a parent will fully understand what I'm talking about. It's amazing. It's hard. It's frustrating. It's wonderful. It's pain. It's a blessing. It's crazy.  It's love. And you could feel all those things (and many others) all in the same day and sometimes in the same minute!

I think the most difficult part for me (so far) has been the weight of responsibility in making decisions for our kids. As well as the backlash and judgement from others, that can come when making said decisions. Quite honestly, the hardest decision of all has been every year when it comes to school. Had someone told me when Josiah was a baby that this would be the subject that would torture my brain for hours on end, result in hours of sometimes "heated" discussions with others, and take us to our knees year after year, I think I would've laughed in their face. Never in my life did I imagine this would be so hard! For Cisco and I, we both had similar school backgrounds, but reversed. ..I was in a private Christian school up til the 8th grade where I then attended public school for high school. He was in public school in elementary and then did the private Christian school for his later years, but we both agreed that Christian school was our #1 choice for our kids. Until I looked into it and realized that we would never, ever, ever be able to afford it. Especially when we kept having more kids. When & where I grew up, homeschooling was an odd choice & only the strange and socially impaired families chose to do that. It was never on my list of options. Or Cisco's really. To cut to the chase, I realized over time that it wasn't "weird", and once I let go of my preconceived ideas I'd had about it and actually tried it, I saw it definitely wasn't as horrible as I once thought. But I also didn't LOVE it. Like some people I know, they LOVE it. And that's awesome! I wish I did.

 There are for sure things I love about it, but it's also stinkin the hardest thing I've ever done in my life! But I'd totally pull up my bootstraps and do it for eternity if that's what I "knew" the Lord was telling us to do, but it's not. For us, once we realized that Christian school wasn't an option, we believe the Lord was telling us to take it year by year. To pray and seek what He wanted us to do with each kid, each year. And that's what we've done. Some years it's been public school, some years it's been homeschool. Each year has been hard, and each year I've been faced with the fact a decision has to be made. And if you know us at all, we aren't always the best at being super decisive.

Which brings me back to last night. Josiah's had a rough year. Besides their one friend they know from church, they haven't met other kids their age(s). He's super lonely and adjusting from being surrounded by friends and living at an awesome place, to well, normal life and having your one friend living nearly a half an hour away. For a 10 year old kid, that is rough. And it KILLS me. My heart hurts so bad for him, knowing this move has been hard for him and not knowing when it will get better. As a parent, I want to make it better and I can't. I honestly don't know yet what we are supposed to do in regards to school next year. Right now, the only option seems to be homeschool but I just don't know. I'm a mess of emotions when it comes down to this, especially after last night, and really, I'm just begging for your prayers. I apologize if that's selfish. But for those that have read this far and love my kids, please pray for them. And pray for Cisco and I, that we would know what to do  and trust that God sees our needs and has a plan.